UNEP - Kick The Hypocrisy!

So, everyone appears to be taking our planet in peril very seriously. And hands down to all these chaps who according to today's Nation, "started a meeting in Nairobi on Monday amid calls for a “new global green deal” – an ambitious initiative that would see the creation of more jobs, eradication of poverty while averting climate-related disasters. The high level meeting, attended by delegates from more than 140 countries at the United Nations Environmental Programme headquarters in Gigiri, comes hot on the heels of the global challenges facing various countries including food shortages and the financial crisis."

Things must be very serious for our dear President to take time off from sorting out who stole the maize and why no one wants to go to court for murdering lots of Kenyans and all the rest of those very important matters.

Mr. Kibaki has clearly done his homework. In his opening remarks he says, “We need to move towards a green and low carbon economy, for this will deliver multiple benefits and ultimately result in achieving sustainable development that benefits all.”

"Low Carbon Economy"

What sort of vehicles do you think these 140 important people rocked up to the meeting in? Perhaps one of these?


No, doubt our Very Important People's Government of Kenyan wanted to make sure they can live up to the very high standards set by the United Nations. And of course we all know that there is no shortage of fancy cars donated by Kenyan citizens the GoK. Between January 2003 and September 2004, President Mwai Kibaki's government spent at least Kshs 878 million in the purchase of luxury cars that were largely for the personal use of senior government officials such as ministers, assistant ministers and permanent secretaries. So which one do you think he might have used for this very important meeting? Could it have been this one?


Silly Sukuma!! Do you think such important people have time to worry about such trivial issues?? I mean even some of their senior staff told you that they have much more important things to be concerned about. It is for minions to start ensuring that we stop using electric alarm clocks and drive fuel efficient cars. As busy as they are, they still took the time to write to me and assure me that they are very very busy being fuel efficient. The UNEP spokesperson personally wrote to me to remind me, "You may also be pleased to know that, as a result of donor countries re-newed confidence in the organization and the leadership of Achim Steiner and the previous ED, Klaus Toepfer, as well as a recognition that we are doing an increasingly quality global job+ the urgent important of addressing environmental degradation, funding for UNEP is rising at a time when cuts are being registered in many other UN agencies and national environment ministeries."

In fact this very important spokesman was so friendly that he offered me a personal invitation to Dandora Dumpsite and also suggested, "that you can give me some tips on how the hell I stop black smoke pouring out the back of my elderly 1992 Land Cruiser."

He was even kind enough to send me their very important strategies for greening UNEP. I was really confused about this because I would have thought getting rid of his smoking landcruiser might be the easiest and cheapest starting point to greening UNEP...anyways, I haven't quite put my head around all this stuff yet, so I beg your forgiveness.

Silly Sukuma!! Didn't you read?? These guys have much more important things to solve! Wall Street is dragging us all into the dumps right now and our good man Obama is trying to do everything he can to stop the poorer getting poorer. He even told those naughty CEOs that there will be no more hefty salaries for them! Do you think President Kibaki might do the same or at least make those naughty MPs pay taxes?

Mr. Steiner is a very clever man and he knows that as the big guns get ready to pour money into the economy and stimulate Americans to BUY BUY BUY, we need to be very cautious: “It is the manner in which such funds are invested that will have a direct bearing on mitigating other environment and development challenges.”

Such funds are invested...

Mr. Steiner, how much do you think this meeting cost? What was the value of cars parked outside your office yesterday? How much of that was tax payers money? How much of that cash was meant for him:

You know as well as I do, WHY we have a food crises in Kenya. You know as well as I do how easily it could have been avoided and you know as well as I do that charity starts at home!! Everyone is busy intellectualising about saving the planet and you are standing there with the very people who are the cause of 10 million Kenyans facing starvation. You also know that your staff for the most of it don't really care about reducing their own carbon emmissions and reducing unnecessary waste of hard earned cash that could be used to really address issues. How can you stand there with my shameful government and intellectualise about droughts and CO2 gases when they are the ones who have stolen our maize?? Why are you all so busy pussy footing around the real issues?

I have a lot of respect for you Mr. Achim Steiner and I really hope you might follow in the footsteps of a handful of humans that know that the first step to addressing any problem is to start dealing with the hypocrisy and get the log out of our own asses...

Yes!! This is the Kenya We Want!!

Everything, every Kenyan dreamed about is staring us right back in the picture below. Well done Kenya! We got what we wanted...The Dream Team!!

Media: Blackout MPs

By Betty Caplan

Parliament plans to black out the media: the media's response must be to black out members of parliament. Tit for tat. Consider this: a week without Raila in sweeping white garb, Kibaki smiling at a crowd being promised something they know they won't get; a week without Martha Karua's carefully brushed coiffure and perfectly enunciated KiSwahili. Remember no-one loves to be in the limelight more than politicians. We may actually have space to discuss what is to be done in the current mess.

Do you realize that a mere 35 MPs voted for the Media (amendment) Bill - 35 out of 222! What were the others doing, when something apparently of such overweening importance was being aired. One member of the House (I refuse to call it august) has a regular column in another national paper. This week he complained "There's nothing to envy about an MP's life and the job is thankless." Was the Assistant Minister for Higher Education Science and Technology spending time with his constituents who were visiting his home which they feel free to do day or night or was he seeking refuge in his rural abode to get away from them with his family whom he has too little time for? Was he being a professional beggar, shamelessly soliciting government ministers and bureaucrats or NGOs or being ridiculed, insulted and openly shunned as a potential (rather than an actual) thief?

The Hon. Mwiria cannot attend the House because mundane tasks distract him: he must be a marriage counselor, education advisor and an intermediary in location and family conflicts - tasks no doubt his training has equipped him to do. He must be an ATM machine coughing out money for school fees, hospital bills, funeral expenses and land issues. "Some MPs carry no less than Ksh 200,000 to use with the public any weekend they head home in addition to what they use in Nairobi." Well, if you've got it, why not flaunt it? He even has to, horror of horrors, pay rounds of drinks for those who can afford it. It strikes me that such ministers are poorly prepared House work.

There is a little word in English that has the power to move mountains, It is "No." No, I won't pay because you drink too much anyway and you'll get in your cars and knock someone over. No, I won't have a meal in a public place when my constituents don't even have the money to buy unga to eat in private. No I will not continue this ugly system of patronage that makes me a one-man charity and turns my constituents into perpetual beggars. Yes, I will pay tax on my allowances and even vote for a decrease in salary so that the obscene gap between us can at last narrow if not disappear altogether. No, I will put off my phone when in a meeting, in Parliament or taking a rest and if I am classified as "proud and inaccessible", then so be it. Shauri yako. I am not God; I cannot be all things to all men and women. I am human, or supposed to be.

As for the "frustration in not being able to accomplish even a tenth of what is expected of him and then however good your performance you are blamed as a failure," the revered minister must be aware that is exactly what the humble schoolteacher suffers year after year. In fact it occurred to me they had much in common. Schoolteachers too are meant to be pillars of the community, ATM cards, marriage counselors and of course educators who produce brilliant results no matter what quality of student material they are working with or how inadequate the school's facilities are - no textbooks, desks, clean toilets, libraries. The Minister complains that "you have to toe the line of the party chief or you are gone", but the schoolteacher has to put up with incompetent, inefficient, corrupt and greedy Headmasters and keep mum or else she risks being transferred to the bush. As for going through abusive campaigns to be an MP, the Minister might try just for a little work experience slogging away day after day with students who don't want to learn, who can't see the point of education because these days Ph.ds drive taxis if they're lucky and who think that if you can't get them through any exam without their doing a stroke of work you a nobody. The more I think of it the job is the same. Except for the salary, tax- free allowances and perks of course.

(Betty Caplan is a freelance journalist and writer living in Kenya. Click HERE to read more of her work.)

Kibaki - You are right!!

Ahh Mr. President and the Members of Parliament that WE Kenyans have employed, you are indeed right to state that assenting to Section 88 of the Kenyan Communications Act..."would promote and safegaurd our culture, moral values and nationhood."

As custodians of Kenya you have indeed done everything you possibly can to turn our culture, moral values and sense of nationhood into one of theft, corruption, decadence, lack of respect, nationwide poverty, donor dependance, begging, gluttony,murder, nepotism, impunity...

And yes you are right Mr. President: assenting to taking our freedom of expression away will definitly ensure that all the values you and the criminals WE employ to sleep in parliament tax free will be safeguarded.

WELL DONE!!!

Your Greed is Obscene. Shame on You.

The National Civil Society Congress (NCSC),

Kenyans for Peace with Truth and Justice (KPTJ) and

The Movement for Political Accountability (MOPA):

Mr. Kibaki and Mr, Odinga:

As Kenyans, we gave our mandate to ONE of you to govern this country for the next five years. However, the OTHER one of you attempted to STEAL this mandate. Massive and brutal repression of protests ensued. Hundreds of lives were lost. Hundreds of thousands of Kenyans were displaced. They remain so to this day. To prevent further killing and disruption of lives, Kenyans accepted the imperfect but timely solution offered by the mediation process. This gave you both a LIMITED AND TRANSITIONAL mandate for reform, reconciliation, and reconstruction. However, we now see politicians misusing the crisis to create illegitimate sinecures at our expense.

THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE.

SHAME ON YOU BOTH.

We emphasise the following points:

1. Kenyans reject blackmail: We will not allow Mr.Kibaki and Mr.Odinga to mobilize the political class to black mail us. There is an unstated threat that if Kenyans do not accept the greed of the ruling class, then the country will once again be allowed to descend into anarchy. This is our country. We will not allow politicians to blackmail us.

The overwhelming majority of Kenyans want NO MORE THAN 24 MINISTERS. Some have endured tear gas for this demand.

94% of Kenyans reject the appointment of corrupt officials and urge vetting of prospective appointments.

We urge all MPs with a conscience to join tax payers in rejecting the blackmail.

The time has come for a TOTAL RENEWAL OF LEADERSHIP and for the people's voice to be heard and respected.

2. Kenyans reject impunity: We note the attempts to entrench impunity in this country by the current elected officials.. It is now clear that the ruling class in Kenya has solidified to the point where politicians think that they have a right to rule, even without our consent.

3. Kenyans reject the abuse of public office by politicians: In the democracy we are building in Kenya, we, the people, are the masters. Elected politicians and public officials are the servants. Mr. Kibaki and Mr. Odinga have negated this fundamental principle. They want to bully Kenyans to accept servanthood. We reject this subversion of our sovereignty.

4. Kenyans will not pay for the greed of the political class: 21 million Kenyans live on less than Kshs. 60 a day. Inflation has hit the 21% mark and is still rising. The cost of unga, kerosene, petrol, fares, house rent, milk and sugar has already risen beyond the means of the masses of Kenya. To alleviate this situation, we propose that;

- All MPs pay taxes, like other Kenyans

- VAT be reduced to 4-5% on food and consumer goods, like cooking oil, petrol and kerosene

- The lower limit for taxable income be raised to Kshs. 20,000

- MP salaries be cut from Ksh. 800,000 to Kshs. 400,000

- The number of Ministers be fixed at a maximum of 24, but ideally, less

- Only one Deputy minister, with a clear job description, be assigned to each ministry

A cabinet fixed at a maximum of 24 accommodates the need for political negotiations in the post-election crisis. It is an EMERGENCY TRANSITIONAL measure. As an urgent measure of Constitutional reform, Parliament must establish a lean cabinet with defined portfolios in keeping with Section 16 of the Constitution.

Mr. Kibaki, Mr. Odinga:

The people of Kenya will not be blackmailed, bullied, or looted, by you and your political allies. For you to build wealth and political power on the bodies of over a thousand Kenyans killed, on the suffering of half-a-million Kenyans who are refugees in their own country, is an obscenity that beggars description.

We, the people of Kenya, will use every peaceful and democratic means available to us to build the Kenya that so many have suffered and died for. Our first steps in a sustained ongoing campaign of pressure:

1) We will petition all international donors, and the international community, to withhold every form of non-humanitarian aid to Kenya

2) We will create platforms and forums for Kenyans to have the substantive debate they should have had at Independence on the number and portfolios of ministries Kenya really needs. They were deprived of this debate by the greed of politicians.

3) We will launch a national and international sms and mail campaign, for Kenyans and friends of Kenya to say directly to every parliamentarian:

YOUR GREED IS OBSCENE. SHAME ON YOU.